Who hasn’t gotten into the age old dorky debate about which super hero would beat the other in combat? Haven’t we all sat around in our friends’ basement playing video games or on long car rides with our buddies talking about that time Captain America battled Iron Man in the Civil War crossover and if you were writing it how it would have been WAAAY better to have the X-Men actually do something. Well my brother and I decided to put a fun new spin on these geeky mind experiments by combining the fantasy world of Marvel with the marvelous world of fantasy football.

The rules are pretty simple, but the versatility of the game is quiet vast. I narrowed down the entirety of the Marvel comics universe to fifty individual characters and 6 super teams. From this pool we would mock draft our Marvel fantasy football team. The concept is that these teams are actually playing a game of football against each other and you want to have the squad who would perform the best. And I know what you are thinking, “CAN THEY USE THEIR POWERS?! WHO CAN I PICK FROM?! I WANNA PICK THE CELESTIALS!!!”. The answers are yes they can, I’m going to tell you what characters are involved and wow, nice deep pull, but no one wants to be friends with you because you know what the Celestials are!!

Also, if anyone is unfamiliar with the concept of fantasy football, here is a lightning fast run down of the game. Team owners playing the game draft players to fill in their roster with what they think is the best team possible. Each roster has 1 quarterback, 2 running backs, 2 wide receivers, 1 tight end, 1 flex (can be any skill position), 1 team defense, 1 kicker and 7 bench slots that can be any position for backup players. When the real world football game is played, the players on your roster get points for various achievements like touchdowns, rushing yards, field goals, interceptions and so on. However in our version, it’s a bunch of rad superheroes and supervillains playing the football game and laser blasting and flying and just doing everything that is awesome. It’s basically what the XFL was supposed to be.

Ok, now that we are all experts on fantasy football, a few specific rules to our version. I felt it was too overpowered to allow telepaths on the field as they could just make everyone stop playing. Additionally, it’s obvious the characters must be able to actually fit within the confines of a football field (i.e. no Galactus). Lastly the players are free to use their powers, but in this exhibition no killing allowed. Now let’s go through the draft that Grant and I conducted to see who could build the theoretical best Marvel Fantasy Football League team! EXCELSIOR!! FIRST DOWN!!

Pick 1 – Steve – Bullseye, QB

A quarterback is a guy who throws a football. Bullseye’s ability is to throw things SUPER accurately. If I didn’t take him first overall then just kill me with my own sai!

Pick 2 – Grant – Captain America, TE

Grant is a New England Patriots fan and he drafted Captain America as a tight end. He did say he wanted a high character guy who was a proven winner. You just got one

Pick 3 – Grant – Iron Man, WR

Flight. Check. Targeting computer. Check. As long as he can stay sober I think you have a winner. And if not, just tell him to try and catch the middle one.

Pick 4 – Steve – Nightcrawler, WR

It bodes well for a wide receiver when he’s done with his route the same time the quarterback receives the ball from the snap. ‘Nuff said

Pick 5 – Steve – Shadowcat, RB

I’m so proud of this pick. I could have gone with a huge, muscle bound character, but when it comes to football, you can’t tackle what you literally can’t touch.

Pick 6 – Grant – Hawkeye, QB

From Captain America: Civil War, we know Hawkeye can shoot a perfect round of golf. I think Grant was hoping for that same level of accuracy in a starting QB.

Pick 7 – Grant – Juggernaut, RB

Outside of my craftiness of grabbing Shadowcat as an RB, you really can’t do any better than Juggernaut. His power is literally to be an unstoppable force once in motion, so line up in the power I formation and let Cain Marko drag some tacklers to the endzone.

Pick 8 – Steve – Quicksilver, WR

Every team needs that downfield burner ala TY Hilton, Martvis Bryant etal. Quicksilver is the quintessential burner, when you can clock his 40-yard time at 0.0089 seconds. That beats John Ross’s record time of 4.22 seconds by 4.2111 seconds. Yeah, I did the math.

Pick 9 – Steve – She-Hulk, RB

Strength of the Hulk without his raging idiot smash brain. Think about how many many many penalties the Hulk would rack up! Jen Walters will befall no such fate.

Pick 10 – Grant – Thanos, Flex

Like a modern day Tyreek Hill, Thanos is a man who can really handle any and all positions on the field. Fantasy points is not something one considers when playing offense…but he must say, he is gonna make the top 5 at the end of the season.

Pick 11 – Grant – Apocalypse, Bench OW

I think Grant just drafted him because he looks like he is already wearing football pads!

Pick 12 – Steve – Captain Marvel, Flex

Is it possible to go wrong with Carol Danvers? Sorry Mar-Vell but she’s the best Captain Marvel there has been, so I’m thinking we plug her into the flex and let the magic happen.

Pick 13 – Steve – Rogue, Bench WR

I clearly like Captain Marvel, so why not draft the mutant copy of her who stole her powers, just with some extra southern belle flavor thrown in for free!

Pick 14 – Grant – Invisible Woman, RB

I like this pick. Sue Storm has been around for a while, and you always want a solid vet on the team. Plus, I can think of some real NFL players who would give up quite a lot to generate force fields!

Pick 15 – Grant – Groot, Bench TE

Grant owns a Groot tee-shirt. There was a zero percent chance that he wasn’t going to draft the big tree. Assigning him as a TE was merely a formality.

Pick 16 – Steve – Thor, Bench QB

Hammer’s weight > Football’s weight. Thor is pretty good at throwing that hammer, so a football should be no issue. Now I will just need to get an Asgardian to Modern English translator on staff.

Pick 17 – Steve – Colossus, Bench RB

…Colossus is my Groot…

Pick 18 – Grant – Taskmaster, Bench QB

OOOH was I mad about this one!! I thought for sure “Grant won’t think to draft Taskmaster. I can get him in a later round for a steal”. NOPE!! The jerk was smart and took the guy who can be pretty much any other guy!! GRRRRRR

Pick 19 – Grant – Dr. Strange, WR

Sling ring. Can be anywhere. Time manipulation. Can be there anytime. Crimson bands of Cyttorak. Downfield blocking. Just the kind of Sorcerer Supreme you want in your corner.

Pick 20 – Steve – Venom, TE

I just needed a large, slobbering monster to run through the middle of the field and take the big hits. Since Gronk wasn’t available, I decided to draft Venom.

Pick 21 – Steve – The Thing, Bench RB

If it’s not Shadowcat, I guess I just wanted Hulk strength people without the crazy Hulk brain. I guess you could say I wanted someone solid as a rock! I’ll…I’ll let myself out.

Pick 22 – Grant – Spiderman, Bench WR

Darn that Parker luck! Drafted at 22?!? It seems almost criminal until you realize that in a football stadium and with only 100 yards to work with, that doesn’t leave a tremendous amount of space for swinging.

Pick 23 – Grant – Hulk, Bench RB

So yes, this late in the draft you pretty much have to take the Hulk. Despite his off the field issues and trouble working with teammates, the upside here is pretty legit.

Pick 24 – Steve – Angel, Bench WR

I’ll be honest, I’m not a big Angel guy and Grant likes him. I tried to trade him mere seconds after picking him. Poor Angel.

Pick 25 – Steve – Storm, Bench WR

Storm was one of those players where you look on the board and go “wait…STORM IS STILL THERE?!”. So I snatched her up right quick! Nothing in the NFL rule book says you can’t create fog or huge winds or really any weather phenomenon to help you against the defense.

Pick 26 – Grant – Dr. Octopus, Bench WR

With what was left out of our pool of players, I can’t blame G-money for taking Dr. Ock here. We both agreed he will be totally TD dependent in Red Zone situations however. I’m not sure Octavius did much running BEFORE the arms were grafted on, and I know for damn sure his legs are just for show now.

Pick 27 – Grant – Beast, Bench RB

Another solid pick up here, but just like in X-Men 3: The Last Stand, Beast won’t be showing up until things have gotten very ugly already and some of the better characters aren’t around.

Pick 28 – Steve – Dr. Doom, Bench QB

Suddenly I am very worried about Thor and Bullseye as my first and second string QBs.

Pick 29 – Steve – The X-Men, Def

For my team defense I went with the X-men. I feel like they have enough diversity of big strong people up front and then your quick secondary to back them up. I could see some decent interception numbers from this crew if they can all stop dying/making out with each other long enough to focus.

Pick 30 – Grant – The Avengers, Def

The Avengers roster is so deep I can’t help but think there is a perfect defense roster here somewhere. Too bad half of them will be in like space, or will secretly be Skrulls or are having a third Civil War or some other crap.

Pick 31 – Grant – Daredevil, K

This is where Seattle’s 12th man screws them over. If you are loud, that just helps him see the uprights better with his radar vision you dummies!!!

Pick 32 – Steve – Scarlet Witch, K

I just thought that if you need some wild, impossible kick to go in, who would be better than someone can manipulate reality? She was basically the closest I could find to Marvel’s equivalent of Greg Zurlein.

So there you have it! The first draft of the newly formed Marvel Fantasy Football League. If only this were a real thing that we could watch and bet money on. Other players in the pool who didn’t make the cut were Black Cat, Black Panther, Captain Britain, Cyclops, Green Goblin, Hela, Iceman, Lady Deathstrike, Loki, Maestro, Magneto, Mephisto, Namor, Nebula, Omega Red, Phoenix, Red Skull, Sabretooth, Silver Surfer, Ultron and Wolverine. Let me know in the comments whose team you think is a better roster, who was left as a free agent that you would have taken or why you think I am a total genius for taking freaking Shadowcat as an RB! Also if you are an artist and looking for something to work on the pass the time, sketch up some scenes from our hypothetical game. You have no idea how bad I wish I could make Disney make this a reality, but your art will have to suffice. Until next time True Believers!!

Comics and Books

The Marvel Fantasy Football League