Is There Any Hope Left?

     Hello readers! It's your old pal Mike back with some sports talk! As you can see, GGR has a new section here devoted to sports. We love to talk about them on the podcasts and we've touched on them a few times in our articles, but now we have a whole section devoted to what eats up a great deal of our personal time. We'll talk about baseball, hockey, football, basketball, we may even delve into the stereotypically-overlooked-by-Americans soccer world. As always, same rules apply; don't be a juicebag when you rip other teams/sports/athletes. This is exponentially harder in sports than it is with comic books or movies, so I'll go easy on you guys. 

all those receptions and little 5 yard hitch routes don't mean jack when you can't CATCH WHEN IT MATTERS, WELKER!!!! See...it's hard for me, too. I'm sure Wes Welker is a lovely person.

     So...let's get down to business now that introductions are out of the way. Last year I wrote an article about Washington's win over Dallas in Big D. It was inspiring and a great victory for an otherwise disaster of a season. The point of the story; no matter what your team has shown you in the past, you stick with them and you always have hope that they'll figure it out in the end. Quick aside, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I did say "it's entirely possible Washington doesn't win another game this year." I am prophetic at times...in that particular case I wish I wasn't. Yes, I just bragged about predicting that my team would crap the bed.  

So what happened? Why did this team fall apart and only win 4 games last year? Well, that's a question that can only be answered by looking back at 2012. 

     If you were a Washington fan for any extended period of time, you know the heartache and headaches this team has caused. 2012 was the most recent reprieve from the raging dumpster fire that was Washington football. The team mortgaged the future to pick up some kid who won the Heisman Trophy at Baylor; Robert Griffin III. 

"I heard he's an Olympic-caliber sprinter!"
"I heard he can throw the ball 60 yards on the fly with accuracy!"
"I heard he's an electrifying player with immense athletic talent!" 
"Are you sure Washington drafted him? This doesn't sound like their kind of player."

He looked kind of goofy and gangly, but damn was he fast! And he had a CANNON! Unlike one of his predecessors, Jason Campbell, he was accurate on the deep ball, too! I was excited to see what this kid could do. They opened the season against the Saints in New Orleans. I didn't think they had a prayer (no pun intended). I was at the Baltimore Comic Con selling issue 1 of Ethan Stone P.I. that September Sunday and decided to check the score after the game was over. I was sure they lost but let's see how bad it really was.  Holy crap, they won! They marched into New Orleans and beat the Saints (pun intended). Griffin was electric! 19-26 for 306 yards to be exact. But this was just a blip...there's no way he could keep this up, is there?

Washington fans were so desperate for a hero, #Griffining became a thing. SMH

     I was delightfully proven wrong. He torched the Cowboys on national television. ON THANKSGIVING no less! Washington wasn't having a stellar year, but they certainly looked like they could build around RGIII and be very exciting to watch for years to come. After falling to 4-6 it looked like they were dead in the water. Even their coach, Mike Shanahan thought so, proclaiming they were evaluating talent for next year. No one expected what would happen next.

     Washington went on an amazing run, winning their last 6 games beating EVERY TEAM in the NFC East in the process. At one point, Griffin has a perfect passer's rating against the Eagles. Who was this kid and how did Washington manage to make a functional draft pick? Washington had found a few gems in the past decade from the draft, but no one like this. No one with this sort of game-changing athleticism.

     During this win streak, there were a few frightening moments. During a home game against those punk-ass Ravens from Baltimore, RGIII took a nasty looking shot to his knee and I thought his leg was broken for sure. This season was magical though; backup Kirk Cousins came in and lead the team on a game-tying drive and ended up winning the game for Washington in OT. If only we had known then, but this hit to the knee would be the beginning of the end for Griffin.

     Cousins led his team to a win against the Browns the following week (I mean...it's the BROWNS, Heath Shuler could have led them to a win). RGIII was back for the season finale against those damn Cowboys, but his knee was heavily braced. He was only average in the game, but it didn't matter. He had a bulldozer in the backfield named Alfred Morris who manhandled the 'Boys for 200 yards on the ground. 

     Washington was in the playoffs! OMG! Everyone was excited. If you're not from the DC area, let me explain what happens here when the football team is good; the world is a wonderful place. the DMV is a great sports area, but it lives and dies with this football team. So, with their beloved team in the playoffs, people are nicer to each other, when you see someone else rocking a Washington hat or jersey you high five them, #HTTR! is on every tweet. We're so desperate for success, we are blinded by the facts. The owner attempts to suck every dollar out of us he can, Fed Ex Field's playing surface looks like it wouldn't pass the strict guidelines of the inmates from The Longest Yard. I'm not talking about that nice field they play the game on either, I'm talking about that practice field. 

Sandler: We were supposed to scrimmage against Washington at FedEx Field, but our field is less likely to cause an injury. And we won't have to worry about being puked on by drunken Eagles fans. 

The most important fact that all the fans were blind to; RGIII was definitely hurt. We thought he was going to tough it out and show us how awesome he was and how he lived up to the Superman imagery they kept showing of him posing with the Heisman. 

"Superman can heal from a destroyed ACL in like 2 weeks, right?"

I'm not going to give you the narrative of what happened in the game against Seattle on that disgrace of a playing surface in Landover, Maryland. I'll leave you with an image. 

ugh...this still makes me sick to my stomach. 

     The downward spiral continued for RGIII and Washington. Let's give the quick hitters and get us up to present day. After destroying his knee and needing a new ACL and LCL, Griffin proclaims he'll be ready for week 1 of the 2013 season. Doctor James Andrews, the famous sports surgeon said that he shouldn't play until week 6 at a minimum. Fans thinking RGIII was super-human was one thing, but ownership and then the coaching staff agreeing? Why did no one step and save this kid from himself? I'll tell you why; because Dan Snyder was enamored with his new favorite player. There are documented reports of Griffin going directly to coach Mike Shanahan and making demands about how he should be utilized. Shanahan was quoted as saying the word choices Griffin used during their "talk" reeked of Snyder. Neither would admit that Danny boy was pulling the strings. 2013 was a disaster for Washington. They fired Shanahan after a 3-13 season.

     Team vice-president and unthinking mouthpiece of Snyder, Bruce Allen, decides to  bring in QB-whisperer Jay Gruden as head coach to help Griffin. Long story short; it didn't work. Griffin ran his mouth about "everyone needs to contribute" when he had a horrible game against Tampa, Gruden told him to "worry about himself" and Desean Jackson called him "basic." RGIII's charm had worn off. So why was Washington 4-12...well, that was certainly part of it. 

     The 2015 regular season hasn't even started, and already the hope that RGIII can be what we thought he was in 2012 is fading fast. He managed to get hurt AGAIN, this time in the pre-season after not playing particularly well. Kirk Cousins has been named the starter and Griffin is benched indefinitely it seems. The cocky kid who was the king of DC is now, most likely, the 3rd string quarterback on a last place team. I run a geeky website, and I wouldn't be doing my due diligence if I didn't make a nerdy comparison. This is how all Washington fans feel right now:

"We loved you. We bought your jersey, your McFarlane figurine, those stupid Adidas socks, we even put up with your obnoxious Subway commercials!" 

     Who's to blame for all of this? Not one person can shoulder the blame fully. Mike Shanahan had his part, so did his son Kyle, the former offensive coordinator. The two people who are mostly to blame for this team having 2 seasons in a row of utter horrid football play are RGIII himself and Washington owner Dan Snyder. If RGIII is Anakin Skywalker in this sick Star Wars analogy, then the Emperor is Snyder. As an owner of a football team that is consistently dysfunctional, he shouldn't be playing favorites with his players. He shouldn't be enabling a player to think that's he is more special than the rest of the team, that he can tell the coach how to do things. It's toxic and a microcosm of why this team can't get out of it's own way. It shows why the only headlines Washington makes are insane PR gaffes. They don't know how to be normal. 

Darth Griffin: The team doesn't listen to me, my master.
Emperor Snyder: Patience, I will tell the coach that you should be a drop back QB and then your journey to the scrap heap will be complete!
Darth Griffin: Yes, my master.
Emperor Snyder: Now, go forth Darth Griffin and do my will at the local Six Flags. 

"Hey, it sounds like they've hit rock bottom! It can only get better from here!" Look at you, random positive guy! You don't know Washington football at all, do you? It can ALWAYS get worse. As I was writing this article another insane PR debacle reared it's ugly head. Scott McCloughan, the "new savior" GM Snyder paid a ridiculous amount of money to in the off-season, was supposed to be a calming influence and steady hand with experience in crafting winners. Before he came here, he helped shape the 49ers and Seahawks, teams who've been to the last 3 Super Bowls! Why was McCloughan available? Well...he had issues with alcohol...but that fits with Washington. Who else would want to run this sh**-storm but someone who has to rebuild their reputation? He seemed like he was actually going to be a good influence on this team, he was making sound decisions...and then his wife accused an ESPN reporter of pulling a Lewinsky to get stories about the team. So not only did she call out the ESPN reporter, she called out her husband, referring to the reporter in question as a "side-chick." 

I know, Jean-Luc. I know. They give me a headache, too. 

     THE SEASON HASN'T EVEN STARTED! It's this bad already! At one point a Washington PR employee said training camp information on their website was seen by 7.8 billion people. That means that EVERY PERSON ON EARTH gave an eff about this horrible team and their stupid training camp, which, by the way, was the first NFL team to EVER charge to see a team practice.

     There's no logic in rooting for this team. They've proven that they don't care. The owner would rather sue a 74 year old grandmother for not paying for her season tickets (this is a true story). The Vice President said the team was "winning off the field." How the EFF do you win OFF the field?????  

     "Why not chose another team to root for?" Changing allegiances is not that easy, though. I love this team because of my dad. He loves them because of his dad. My grand-dad claimed to have known some of the players back in the 40's and 50's. It's plausible; he was an Arlington County Cop and D.C. was only a 5 minute drive across the river. I remember watching games on the floor of my grandparents house in Annandale with my dad and grandfather. It's a family thing and you can't just ignore family. Even if they say racist things (ask any Native American) and show that they're greedy, money-obsessed villains (Snyder now charges a $50 envelope fee for tickets held at Will Call)...they're still your family and you HOPE that they'll eventually get their s**t together and bring back the glory days.