Mega Man Movie: Dead on Arrival?

By Andy Bartsch

    As a lifelong Mega Man fan (well, I remember first playing Mega Man 3 when I was seven but, you get the gist), a Mega Man movie was something I had always dreamt of.  In the early to mid 90s, the big trend in films at the time was to take video games and turn them into lackluster movies.  So we had a bad a Super Mario Bros movie, followed by a bad Double Dragon movie (although admittedly, that one’s a guilty pleasure of mine), followed by a bad Street Fighter movie (I’m giving that one a pass though, it was still entertaining and no where near as bad as Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li). As a child, I didn’t let the poor quality and bad translation to film allow me to realize how truly disappointing these films were.  Plus keep in mind, this was long before Uwe Boll hit the scene and we found out how bad movies based on video games could really get.  

    So with all these video games coming to the big screen, I eagerly awaited for someone to make a Mega Man movie.  Mega Man was a clear staple of the video game industry and deserved a good adaptation.  At the time, however, any adaptation of the Blue Bomber was a bit of a disappointment.  Need we remind you of how mega awful they translated Mega Man in that lousy Captain N cartoon show?  And while the Mega Man cartoon of the mid 90s wasn’t terrible, it was a bit too cheesy for my taste.  But as the years went on, it felt like I was never going to get my Mega Man movie.  That’s okay, I still have all these awesome games.  As I’ve stated on the site before, Mega Man X for SNES is one of my favorite games of all time.   

"Maybe this mega-crappy cartoon was a big mega-mistake!"

    In the past few years, it seems like the slim chance of the Blue Bomber getting his own time to shine on the big screen grew even slimmer.  Within two years, Capcom canceled development of four, yes, FOUR Mega Man games!  The only new Mega Man games that were released was an 8-bit style fighting game, Mega Man X Street Fighter, where Mega Man battled Street Fighter II characters, rather than fighting Dr. Wily’s evil Robot Masters.  What was even more insulting was a DLC for the Street Fighter X Tekken game where you could play as an overweight Mega Man that mimics the inaccurate cover art of the first NES game.  The final nail in the coffin was Mega Man creator Keiji Inafune’s departure from Capcom, only to create a very similar game elsewhere, Mighty No 9, leaving Mega Man’s future uncertain.

"I'm a robot that gained 80 pounds in twenty years!  Thanks, lousy DLC!"

     However, Mega Man got the proper respect he deserved as a playable character in the latest version of Super Smash Bros for the Wii U and Nintendo 3DS.  The design kept true to the in-game avatar while still making some light changes for the high def graphics of today. 

    But in early September, 2015, 20th Century Fox announced it’s plans to make a Mega Man movie.  At first, I was excited.  Mega Man was FINALLY getting a big screen adaption, and at the right time when pretty much can be accomplished thanks to CGI.  But logic soon sank in.  Fox?  Aren’t these the people who just made the Fantastic Four into a bitter mess?  The film made very little money and they still decided to do a sequel.  These are the people who took Goku from Dragonball and said, “Ya know who Goku, an original, interesting and lovable character needs to be like?  Peter Parker from Sam Raimi’s Spider-man.  What?  There’s no high school in this, what do you call it, ’manjuh’?  PUT THE KID IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!” With decisions like that, I couldn’t help but be concerned.  

    Then, I thought about it.  I mean I REALLY thought about it... What would a Mega Man movie be like?  What would a GOOD Mega Man movie be like?  Does it even translate to film at all?  

    Possibly.  I really see only way of making it work.  Get a damn good CGI animation group with a great imagination and has tons of respect and love with the original games.  Translate those images into high def animation and hire an amazing visual story teller as the director.  Make it family friendly, but DO NOT dumb it down for children with silly, stupid characters and fart and poo jokes (I’m looking at you, Smurfs movie).  Embrace the nondescript future and run with it.  Make it colorful and fun but still make the villains threatening.  And while we’re at it, Dr. Wily does NOT need an over-the-top German accent.  

    Finally, show tribute to the games.  End the film with a glorious hero shot. It starts and the bottom of a blue and clear sky scraper and it slowly pans up towards the roof as a slow piano melody plays.  As the camera gets higher and higher, it’s speed begins to accelerate and the melody’s tempo begins to become more uplifting and play faster (do you get where I’m going with this?).  The camera comes to a halt when we see a helmetless Mega Man looking down on the city he protects. Suddenly the music changes into an electric guitar instrumental song, playing the opening theme song to Mega Man 2, closing out his first adventure and possibly opening up the possibility for a sequel.  

"Huh...Do humans usually leave logos and menu text floating in the sky?  Ah, who cares?  This song is awesome!"

    However, the sad truth is, Fox will most likely mimic what’s making money at the box office now.  The film will be live action with a young pretty blonde girl as a HUMAN Roll.  Her boyfriend, Rock, will get shot and Dr. Light turns him into a cyborg who looks very similar to Iron Man.  Mega Man will be played by Channing Tatum and the future will look like Blade Runner.  Dr. Light will be tortured and killed in the third act.  The movie will be bleak and depressing, and after the movie bombs, the director, James Wong, will talk about it’s follow-up movie, Mega Man v Fantastic Four.  

Actually, this looks pretty badass...