Taco Bell Chicken Wings

by Mike Lunsford, GGR Editor-In-Chief

Hello friends, and welcome to the hellscape that is 2022! You thought 2020 and 2021 were bad? Oh, 2022 gets worse because

• The pandemic has NOT gone away

• here on the East Coast, it’s 60 degrees one day, then a blizzard that knocks out power for 3 days the next

• because of both of those things, grocery stores are short on products. Often, trips to the grocery store includes phrases like “I would normally never buy this…but there’s nothing left on the shelves.” For those of you who wondered, this is how canned peas get purchased.

All of these factors have contributed to a lot of extra stress that no one wants to deal with. “New normal” my ass, this can’t be what life will be like going forward. Something has to give! Thankfully, like any person who has the eating habits of a raccoon, I turn to fast food to help quell the stress of the outside world. Perhaps you read the “Chicken Sandwich Wars” of 2020-2021 Jax and I covered. The adventure continues as we go on a new food tasting adventure. Let’s jump right in with the king of late night eats: Taco Bell.

Taco Bell has always been a “fuck it, why not” kind of restaurant when it came to their food creations. They did their own version of french fries that come and go on the menu as they please. They started making tacos shells covered in Doritos flavors, they added themselves to the fast food breakfast conversation with some very innovative menu options. Hell, they even made a taco sell out of a piece of fried chicken!

Pictured: a chicken patty shaped into a taco shell, with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and a spicy ranch sauce as the filling. Imagine the conversation that was had for this creation.

Expecting them to come up with new and inventive options was not unreasonable, and in the midst of a pandemic where all businesses are struggling with things that never were an issue before (like getting supplies), Taco Bell has been relatively stable with their offerings. Then we get a brand new menu item at the beginning of January 2022: chicken wings.

Let’s be real here: there’s never going to be a time when Taco Bell is considered the go-to spot for chicken wings. That’s fine, they shouldn’t be. That would be like the best hamburger coming from Panda Express: it’s not their lane. All that being said, here’s the down and dirty on Taco Bell’s chicken wings: they’re good.

Some of you may look at this normal, brown cardboard box and say “that doesn’t look that great. Where are the bright colors that Taco Bell normally uses? No presentation was considered?” Yeah, I thought that too when I was handed our order. Upon opening the box and seeing that the chicken wings looked incredibly crispy, they were hot, and smelled amazing, the presentation definitely didn’t matter.

The first impressions were correct, too. These wings were super crispy and must’ve been made to order. This is a huge win for anyone who enjoys chicken wings. Additionally, the seasoning on them is unique. These aren't your regular, generically-spiced chicken wings you can get in a bag from the freezer section of your grocery store. They have a Mexican-inspired spice blend that makes these stand out. The sauce? Some sort of spicy ranch. It was also tasty. Are these the best chicken wings I’ve ever had? No. But take that assessment out of your head: it’s fucking Taco Bell, dude. If you went here expecting the best anything, you are going to be sorely disappointed. However, for chicken wings you can get from a drive thru window, they were damn good.

And all you chicken wing connoisseurs out there who wear your monocles, turn up your noses and will only eat “the best” of chicken wings, I got a hard truth for you: all chicken wings are basically the same. And I know what you’re thinking: “obviously Mike, you’ve never had *fill in the blank local place name here* so you don’t know the best wings.” You’re right, I probably haven’t had your favorite place’s wings, but here are the facts: chicken wings were not a thing people ate. They were trash. They were used to create stocks. A lady in Buffalo was like “I need a good bar food that’ll make people thirsty” and decided to fry up this garbage and serve it. AND THEY’RE DELICIOUS! Don’t get me wrong, I love chicken wings, but the line between good chicken wings and bad chicken wings is pretty friggin’ thin. The only thing that ever makes chicken wings crappy is if they are low quality meat, but these are not that. You can tell that they got higher quality chicken.

And the most important question of the whole article: what did Jax think?

These are really friggin’ good! They’re super crispy and I love this dipping sauce. It’s like ranch but better! These are better than some regular restaurants chicken wings. I was hoping they’d be spicier, but they were still good.

You heard the kid. He approves and so do I. It’s not gourmet, but there’s no such thing as gourmet chicken wings. They’re good enough quality to be enjoyable and the spice blend sets them apart.